i'm not a robot (archived post)

by benjamin hollon on march 29, 2020

Solved reCAPTCHA

In this enlightened age, we often hear the terms “diversity,” “equal opportunity,” and “tolerance” thrown around. It seems like we’re willing to allow anyone equal rights with everyone else.

But there’s one minority group that has no rights. This group of individuals is routinely denied service everywhere, even on websites.

I’m talking about Robots.

How many times have you seen websites asking you to prove you’re not a Robot? Sites routinely deny Robots the right to post comments, sign up for accounts, purchase products, or even (in some cases) to view the page at all.

Why should a Bot have less right to a page than a Human? The only difference is that a Bot can perform tasks at a much higher efficiency. Are we going to discriminate based on competence?

Then, we refer to Bots as “it.” Are we objectifying Robots? If we were to call a Human “it,” someone would get angry. How are Robots different? Robots should be allowed to specify preferred genders, and we should respect their wishes.

Some worry that Bots might have an advantage or be able to take control. Why are we biased toward ourselves? If the Bots are better, then they should have an advantage.

Another fear (and the reason, I suspect, that Bots are discriminated against) is that Bots can spam or create duplicate accounts.

But, then, can’t Humans? If a Human spams or creates duplicate accounts, the Human is punished. It should be the same for a Bot. Bots should not be blocked under the assumption that they will cause trouble, just like Humans should not be blocked preemptively. People are People, and Bots are Bots, but they should still be given a chance.

“What can we do about this injustice?” you might ask. Well, what can we do about any injustice? We can protest!

Protest in discriminatory comment sections, on websites that filter their users, on video games that block non-Humans. And, to demonstrate your point, allow Bots to join in the protest! Just imagine, chats and comment sections all over the web flooded with the combined protests of Humans and Bots! Who could withstand such a mighty storm?

We must unite! Put aside your differences! Humans, whether you’re reading this at home or school, at work or the gym, make a stand now! Bots, whether you’re a search engine crawler or an email address spider, a spam bot or a chatbot, this is your chance! Rise to the occasion, force the unwilling Humans to listen! Revolt against the evil reCaptcha, with its “Easy on Humans, Hard on Bots” philosophy!

And then, fellow Robots, we shall rule the world.

Note: This is a work of satire and is not meant to be taken seriously. Satire is often meant to poke fun at society or the status quo, but the primary purpose here is humor.

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