I love how my brain works. I feel I should start there. I really do love how my brain works. Still, I often have trouble getting my thoughts to die down and let me relax.
This is particularly annoying at bedtime; I can lie in bed with the lights out and no devices nearby for hours without falling asleep, if my brain has got itself latched onto interesting ideas.
So, recently, I’ve been experimenting with meditation on nothing. Trying to keep my mind focused on having no thoughts. So far, it has been extremely difficult.
how it works
When trying to do this and I notice myself thinking about something, I intentionally break off the thought and attempt to return to thinking about nothing. Even thinking about the practice itself is too much; it’s too easy for my mind to take the smallest idea and run with it into grand distractions. Instead, I break off any trains of thought I notice.
It seems to help, somewhat. When I’m feeling overwhelmed or trying to sleep, intentionally emptying my mind of thoughts helps calm me down.
I should also note, my mind isn’t exactly calm when I’m doing this; I’m usually having to break off ten or fifteen thoughts per minute. Actually keeping myself in this state for prolonged periods of time takes intense focus, much more than I would have expected for the seemingly-simple task of having no thoughts.
the end goal
I don’t know if or when I’ll get there, but in the end I want to be able to train my mind to focus on one thing at a time, to keep it from running off into other ideas when I don’t want it to. I feel like being able to clear my mind of thoughts is a rational first step in that process.
And, whether or not it does get me to that goal in the end, this practice has definitely helped me block out the world a bit when I’m feeling emotionally-drained and need to have quiet and piece in the midst of a lot happening around me. It’s hard work, but it’s also relaxing, if that makes sense. If not “relaxing”, at least refreshing, on some level.
I’m going to keep trying this, at least for a while longer. I don’t know yet if I’ll look back on this in the future as a positive experience, but right now, in this moment, it feels like an experiment worth trying.
